im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
His hands were made for my vagina.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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