Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
