final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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