walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
