you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Randomize
