I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize