Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Randomize
