woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
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