I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Now I know how you felt every time you had to listen to me have sex with a girl... mildly disguested yet marginally proud.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
Randomize
