You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
I am one with the molecules
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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