so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
