So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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