just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
