She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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