i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
