I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
