Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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