So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
