even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
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