Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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