i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
