Does having sex in the men's bathroom on the boardwalk count as having sex on the beach?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
