i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I'm way too hungover for life right now
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
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