i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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