ya dads aren't the best wingmen
never play flip cup with pint glasses
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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