dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
