Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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