i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Randomize
