I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
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