the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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