Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
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