I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
