so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
