we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
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