you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Randomize
