giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
