3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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