bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
