and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
Randomize
