mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
