Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
