look no pants
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
