I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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