Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Randomize
