you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
