you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize
