my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
tell me about the eggs
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