How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
