life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
