K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
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