Non-Jews are for practice
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Randomize
