So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
