I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Sacagawea was the original milf.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
