They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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