hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
is this the sara with the beer cane?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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