We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Randomize
