i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
He told me they were just razor bumps!
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize
