Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
