yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
lets start a swedish sibling band together
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Randomize
