I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
