Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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