I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
