Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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