i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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