It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
Randomize
