Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
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