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The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize