Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
