I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
