I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just cut my nipple shaving
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
This toilet bowl is my home.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
