we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
